A quiet meet & greet in July.
Three British sensations
Eight hospice families.
A single social media post.
Over 90K likes, 5K shares.
Contributions to an Endowment Fund that will take the financial burden off of pediatric end-of-life care.

The Blessings in Connection

It began with a simple question.

What if we invited Josh and Jase to spend some time with our pediatric hospice families?

Matt Hoffman, Director of Philanthropy, had followed the British duo as their curiosity, humor and genuine love for Michigan captured the attention of millions. When he learned they were returning to the state, he reached out.

He couldn’t have known what that one message would set in motion.

A few months later, with 48 hours’ notice Sarah Steenland, Statewide Pediatric Legacy Care Specialists and Tara Derby, Assistant Manager Anchors Programs for Children, and their pediatric team pulled it all together. Eight families gathered in Grand Rapids for an afternoon of ice cream, crafts, laughter and conversation at Elsa’s Ice Cream. Some were currently receiving pediatric hospice care. Others had experienced the death of a child.

Josh and Jase arrived with gifts. But perhaps the most meaningful gift they brought was something much simpler.

Connection.

They moved from family to family without rushing. They asked questions. They learned the children’s names and heard their stories. And in a room filled with people carrying experiences that can sometimes feel impossible to explain, families began connecting with one another, too.

There was an understanding there that didn’t require many words.

One of those families was Allie and her husband, Justin.

Their son Barrett was born with a rare genetic condition called Campomelic dysplasia. His medical needs were complex, but Allie remembers so much more than his diagnosis: his fabulous hair that stood straight up, the songs that made him smile and a spirit that seemed to reassure everyone around him.

Hospice gave their family what Allie calls “the gift of time.”

Time to take Barrett to the beach.
Time for family and friends to gather around him.
Time to simply hold him and love him.

Barrett lived for five and a half months.

The gathering with Josh and Jase happened to fall on what would have been his first birthday.

Allie and Justin had been anticipating the day with heavy hearts. Then, just two days before, they received an invitation to come together with other pediatric hospice families.

What could have been a day defined only by absence became an opportunity to share the gift of Barrett with others.

And then there was the sunshine.

The day Barrett died was one of the snowiest, most overcast days of the year. After he took his last breath in his father’s arms, a ray of sunlight suddenly came through the window and rested perfectly across his face.

For Allie and Justin, it felt as though Heaven had opened for him, a way for Barrett to let them know he was okay.

Since then, sunshine has become one of their signs from Barrett.

And on the day of the gathering, the sky was beautifully bright.

Allie calls moments like these “Barrett Blessings.”

She carries them forward by trying to offer one small kindness each day, an encouraging text, letting someone go ahead in line, or simply noticing when another person might need a little extra grace.

Because there is another hope Allie has in sharing Barrett’s story.

Many people will never know what it is like to parent a child with complex medical needs. They may never encounter pediatric hospice or understand the mixture of love, fear, gratitude, grief and joy that can exist within the same family and sometimes within the very same moment.

By allowing people into a small piece of that world, Allie hopes we might understand one another a little better.

That we might remember that not every family is living the “textbook” childhood experience.

That we might recognize we rarely know everything another person is carrying.

And perhaps, become a little more empathetic because of it.

That is what made this gathering so much more than an afternoon with two well-known visitors.

Seven families came together and discovered they were not alone.

Two visitors from thousands of miles away came to bring joy and found themselves pausing listen.

A simple idea became a gathering.

And when Josh, Jase and their friend Matt shared these families and the work of pediatric hospice with their enormous online community, the circle of connection widened again.

Hundreds of thousands of people responded with comments, messages, shares and acts of generosity, many being introduced to pediatric hospice for the first time.

But numbers alone cannot measure what happened.

Connection looks like one parent sitting across from another and realizing, You understand.

It looks like someone remembering your child’s name.

It looks like laughter existing in the same room as grief.

It looks like taking the time to listen to a life experience very different from your own.

And sometimes, it looks like a ray of sunlight breaking through an impossibly gray sky.

Because life’s biggest moments aren’t meant to be carried alone.

When we make space for one another’s stories, we don’t have to fully understand someone else’s journey to walk beside them.

Sometimes we simply need to listen.

To notice.

To care.

And perhaps those are the greatest blessings.

Do you have a story of blessings in connection that you want to share? Please email us at LBM@NorthStarCC.org

Credits
Featured Video Interviews & Meaningful Conversations:  Jordan Carson
Visual Storytelling & Video Editing: Matt Ferguson
Josh & Jase and Matt
Allie and Justin Dykgraaf

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